When we think about what causes anxiety, we usually imagine big things—like past trauma, health problems, or too much stress. But sometimes, anxiety builds up because of smaller, everyday habits we don’t even notice. One of the biggest is struggling to set healthy boundaries.
Boundaries are the limits we set to protect our time, energy, and well-being. Just like a fence around a house keeps us safe, personal boundaries help us feel secure emotionally. Without them, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed, drained, and anxious—especially over time.
Let’s look at how poor boundaries can quietly feed anxiety in our daily lives:
Saying "Yes" When You Want to Say "No"
Have you ever agreed to something—even when you were exhausted or didn’t really want to—just to avoid disappointing someone? Maybe a friend asks for a favor, or a family member invites you to a gathering, and even though you need rest, you say yes anyway.
This kind of situation comes up a lot during holidays. People run from one event to another, trying to keep everyone happy. But inside, they feel burned out and resentful. Saying yes too often—even when it’s not right for you—can slowly increase stress and anxiety.
Setting boundaries with others can feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you're used to putting their needs first. But the truth is, saying “no” sometimes helps protect your energy. It gives you more space to rest, feel good, and show up for the things that truly matter.
The Thoughts That Won’t Let Go
Boundaries aren’t just about other people—they’re also about how we manage our own thoughts.
The Worrier
Do you ever find yourself imagining the worst-case scenario? Like your child is on a trip and suddenly your brain jumps to scary “what ifs”? These thoughts can spiral quickly and leave you feeling panicked.
The Inner Critic
Or maybe, late at night, you remember something embarrassing from years ago. You start replaying it in your head, feeling shame or regret. That kind of thinking can make it hard to sleep—and over time, it can add to anxiety.
It’s okay to have these thoughts. We all do. But you don’t have to believe or follow every single one. Try writing the thought down and then gently responding to it with kindness and logic. Remind yourself that just because a thought pops up doesn’t mean it’s true. Most people are too focused on their own lives to remember that thing you said or did years ago.
When You Don’t Speak Up for What You Need
Many of us struggle to ask for what we really want. We worry we’ll upset someone or look selfish. So we go along with things, even if we’re uncomfortable.
Over time, always keeping quiet sends a harmful message to ourselves: that our needs aren’t important. This can chip away at our confidence and increase anxiety.
But here’s the good news: you can learn to speak up in a respectful way. You can say how you feel without being rude or aggressive. It’s called assertive communication, and it’s a skill you can build. It helps you respect yourself while still being kind to others. We’ll discuss this in more detail in a future article.
If any of this feels familiar, you’re not alone and you don’t have to figure it out by yourself. If you’d like support in learning how to set better boundaries or reduce anxiety, we have caring counselors at IPC who are here to help.
You can call the IPC in confidence at 617-265-5300 to learn more.
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